How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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