Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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