How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
