you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
