I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
