around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
