I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
