apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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