I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
