I think my fart just growled at me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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