i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
