Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
