Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize