I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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