she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
