you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
