maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
