hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
