What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize