1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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