two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
