You smell like a Billy Joel song
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
