dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
