Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
