i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
