After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
