I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
