It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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