You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize