how can u be prego again
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
