I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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