well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
