she sounds like chewbacca in bed
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
