Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
