i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
