Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.

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(407): View more from Florida

Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow

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(540): View more from Virginia

Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Gym?

(801): View more from Utah

Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.

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(206): View more from Washington

I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.

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