so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
