Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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