the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
