I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
