i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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