Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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