I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize