Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
