I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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