I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize