Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
