hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
