I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
