Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
