Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
