I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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