there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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