I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
