he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
