i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
