Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
