I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
