hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
