I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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