I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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