dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why do cheetos always look like penises
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
