boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
