we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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