This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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