this beer tastes like vomit already
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
