You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize