OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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