youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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