4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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