What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
