I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
