It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
