Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
