Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
