Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
