My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
