so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
