I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
