Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
