So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
